It seems that the last thing that I wrote was about moving up to Idaho. That was a year ago. I have done a lot since then and at the moment I am not in the mood to edit what I am typing this night. I do not even know if anyone is reading anything I am typing anyways. This has always been a good form of therapy for me anyways.
So, what is it that I need to have therapy for? Well, I do not think that I will dive into the detail of my own metal pathways of craziness, but lets just say that I my trust was completely abused at one point in my life and I need spend time dumping it all out for awhile.
Well, since I mentioned already that this is just free hand session without editing I guess I will just get to it.
As I write this it is a beer and brownie night. The day was slower than usual and I spent the most of the day reading stories about an old man and a boy. They were all from the viewpoint of the boy and his time with the old man learning to hunt, fish, and life lessons along with it. My grandfather in law fell asleep last week and it was he who gave these books to me. I can not put them down. It might be the best that I have read. It has been interesting to read someone who writes like he is talking to you in a conversation over drinks. It seem natural as if there is no other way around it.
Since the last time I was on here I spoke the move from the southern California desert to the south west of Idaho, I might as well explain that last year in more detail.
This is Idaho. It is now the fastest growing state in the Union. It is also the second smallest state in the union. There is a small percentage of locals who think the californians are changing the state into a liberal state. When in fact the Californians who are moving here are not liberals, but libretarians. The liberal Californians who are leaving California are moving to Arizona. So, the people who are moving here from CA are actually making this state more into the state that the so called republicans think they are. Which is funny. The sin of the republicans is that they are hypocrites, they talk of small government while expanding it. The democrats sin is that they actually believe the absolute crap they preach because it makes them money, they would tell preach flat earth theory if they thought they could make money off of it.
Which brings us to our current president. The funny thing is both sides hate him because he actually does what he says, and nobody has a clue how to handle it. There has not been a person to do what they say they are going to do in such a long time that the USA is pulling it hair out trying to understand what it is that is going on.
You really want make your political head spin, read the speeches that JFK did not give that he was supposed to give the the days after his death. Do you think liberals wanted to hear those things??
Ok, I just realized that I was going a little off the subject. Must be the brownies, or beer. I have been in this state fore a year that has been an amazing struggle of a year. The spot that we are in is right where the hight desert and the foothills of the mountains of some large range seem to meet. The wilderness up here is something that I seem to only have read in a book. A few hours east of here Hemingway himself bought a place where he could observe nature and write some of his works.
I have been taking walks to the north of the road that I have been living and there seems to be a house every five acres. After a couple of miles up the winding road into some smaller hills, it begins to give way to the sage brush and barbed wire fences from large ranches that used to be here years past. These ranches where sold off piece by piece to build five acre estates to people who just end up paying other people to keep up the land. These beautiful hills off sage and grass hide thousands of tiny little quail that flush every twenty feet when I walk through the hills trying to get some clarity on things going through my head from the daily grind. Grind, I hate that word, people always seem to jump that word off a cliff when things are tough but they want to seem as if they are being positive about the amount of useless busy work they are doing and how it will all pay off in the end. Most people are lazy though. When I mean lazy, I mean that they are willing to work on things that take up there time for hours upon hours, but when it comes to the one thing they need to do to reach te next level (you know, go out of there bubble) they just can not do it. You know exactly what I am talking about, these people have an excuse not to do anything. They also as the experts at why things do not work out, but it is never there fault.
It is almost midnight. I do not know if that is significant or not, but it is. In less than a minute it will be my second sons second birthday. He is at his grandomthers house and I miss him so. He was born on saint patrick's day. Watched The Quiet Man on the day he was born and have watched it many times since. It is one of my favorite movies of all time. They have only been gone just over a week, and they are coming back next week, but I am a wreck.
I do not function without my family under my roof. Yet, only about 4-5 months out of the year do I have my whole family under my roof. When I think of it I feel as if I am being punished for my past in some way. I wish it was simple, I wish I could just quickly understand the many questions that travel inbetween my neurons. I wish I could control the neurotransmitters that bounce around the expanse that is my mind.
Well, I have been sitting here venting about things that seem to be important to me at some level or another.
Once I saw the sun rise above the the valley I grew up in. It was a beautiful morning that I did not seem to remember until I was much older and thinking of times that were long gone. It was a time that I did not think of anything but the sunrise and not think to remember it beyond. This moment creeps into my memory almost too much, I do not know if I like the memory or not, but it is there. It is such a memory that I have blocked it to keep myself of thinking about times past that can not change or help the current situation. There has been too much of this talk already and I will not get into details beyond the sunrise.
With this all being said I am now gong to wrap this up. With my old post I used to like putting a quote or a Bible verse at the end of it all, but sense this is all free hand without any editing or foresight I cannot think of anything that anyone else has said that would close this up any better.
That is all, the beer is gone and the brownies are fighting me. I love too much, I am a romantic but no one seems to understand or care.
